You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
