She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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