Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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