he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
