Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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