you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
