she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
