never play flip cup with pint glasses
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
