Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
