He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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