Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
