Kiss
Puke
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
