thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
