no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize