this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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