Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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