I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize