youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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