If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
