there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
