I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
