Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize