the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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