Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
