drinking out of a sandbucket again
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
