I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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