I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I love having hate sex.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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