and she was petting her beer can
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
