she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
