Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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