Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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