My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
that's an acceptable place to lick
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
