my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
