Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
