Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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