woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's blow job season.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize
