she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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