Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
