I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
