yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
