Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
