Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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