He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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