this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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