Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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