so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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