I can text with my tongue
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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