You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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