I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
