when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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