it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
