i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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