I wish I could punch you in the face.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize