dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
