i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
