You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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