and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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