I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think my fart just growled at me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize