I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
