Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
