People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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