I like to think it a success when the cops are called
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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